


No One Else But You

by Lizzyboo



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Demisexual Phil, Demisexuality, M/M, No actual sex, Sex Talk, Sexuality talk, sorry - Freeform, threesomes talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 08:36:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13632672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizzyboo/pseuds/Lizzyboo
Summary: dan wants to try something new in bed, and Phil is having a bit of a sexuality crisis.





	No One Else But You

Dan brings it up one night after sex, when they’re both still coming down from the high. 

They’re lying side by side, both panting and sweaty and dirty, trying to find the will to get out of bed and clean up before letting themselves succumb to exhaustion. 

Phil feels sated and content. The buzz under his skin is slowly fading into happy little tingles, his limbs feel heavy and sore in the best of ways. So really, he’s not feeling suspicious when Dan turns to him suddenly, tracing a line from his chest to his stomach with his fingers, a concentrated look on his face. 

“Phil?” he asks, and Phil hums in response. He’s not sure he’s able to produce any coherent sounds just yet. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to break the hazy state he’s in. either way, a hum is all Dan needs. 

“What do you think about trying something new?” 

Dan’s voice is still a little bit husky, a little bit wrecked, and he clears his throat a few times after speaking. 

“What? Like, a new sex thing?” Phil is a bit more interested suddenly, feeling the clouds that fill his mind clear just a little, allowing him to be more present in the conversation. 

Dan is usually the one to suggest new things in the bedroom. Mostly, Phil just doesn’t really care. He likes most of the things they tried up until now. Likes to try new things with Dan and mostly likes seeing Dan discover something new that excites him, something new Phil can do to drive him crazy. But he doesn’t care enough to look for new things himself. He likes their sex life. Likes it when it’s slow and soft or fast and rough. Honestly, sex with Dan is just good, no matter how they do it. 

Dan nods in response, moving his fingers up to Phil’s face, drawing circles on his cheekbones with his fingertip. He scoots closer to Phil until his knee is touching Phil’s thigh, and he sneaks his leg on top of Phil’s, rubbing his shin with his foot. 

“You know I’m up for anything you want to try,” Phil says, and he turns to Dan as well, putting his arm around his back and pulling him a little closer. 

Dan has a glint in his eyes and a smirk on his lips and he’s looking Phil straight in the eyes when he says, “How do you feel about threesomes then?” 

And really, out of all the things Phil thought Dan might say, he definitely wasn’t expecting that one.

They never talked about something like that before. Usually, Dan’s new ideas don’t come from nothing. There are signs and jokes and some kind of preparation. So really, Phil can’t blame himself for the way his body tenses under Dan’s touch, eyes going a little wide. 

“Threesomes?” he asks, as if Dan saying it twice will make it less surprising. 

“Yeah,” Dan says, and he’s still smirking but his fingers stills on Phil’s face, waiting for a reaction. 

“I… don’t know. I never thought about it before.” And really, he hasn’t. Never thought Dan has as well. 

Dan pushes at Phil’s shoulders then, making him lie down on his back again before hovering over his body “Then think about it. Something new, someone new, in here with us. New hands, new noises, for you and me to share. It can be exciting, different.” He can see that Dan is trying to sell him the idea, and he’s a bit surprised when his words do nothing but make a weird crawling sensation to spread under his skin. 

“Did you have anyone in mind?” Phil asks. 

Dan shrugs, smiling a bit wider at Phil, as if he already said yes. “Not really, but I’m sure we can find someone we both like.” 

Someone they both like. 

Something about these words doesn’t sit right with Phil, doesn’t roll off his tongue like it does off Dan’s. He feels a little caught off guard by the sudden way he feels trapped, suffocated under Dan’s body. He really wants to get up and take a shower. 

“I’ll think about it, okay?” he says, because he will. Probably all he’s going to think about for the rest of the night. 

Dan’s smile is still plastered on his face but it becomes less suggestive and more understanding, soft, and he leans down to leave a small kiss against Phil’s lips, drawing away after a few seconds. 

“Take your time,” he says before getting up and making his way to the bathroom, leaving Phil alone with his thoughts. 

 

_______________________________________

 

As Phil predicted, he thinks about Dan’s words a lot more than he probably should. 

And really, he can’t put his finger on what exactly makes him feel so uneasy about the suggestion. 

He knows he doesn’t have to think about it this hard. He doesn’t have to provide Dan with an explanation. If one of them isn’t into something, they don’t to it. End of story. 

He knows Dan would never resent him for saying no to something that makes him uncomfortable. At least he’s pretty sure of it, because really, he can’t remember the last time he said no to something Dan wanted to try. 

But something about that specific request, something about the way Dan worded it, the way he got excited talking about it, makes Phil want to get to the bottom of his issue with it. If not for Dan, then for himself. 

But when two days pass and he still finds himself thinking about it, hard, even he has to admit that maybe he should just let it go. 

But he doesn’t work like that. Sometimes, he just can’t simply let it go. 

Dan is like that too, sometimes, but in different way to him. The things Dan can’t let go of, the troubles that occupy his mind, are usually bigger, more serious, all-consuming. 

He worries about life and death and his place in the world and the way people see him. He thinks about what he had achieved up until that point in his life and how much more he could have done if he was in a better place earlier, if he was willing to work on himself more and procrastinate less. 

His beautiful mind is filled with things Phil usually represses when they float to the surface. Things he can ignore and push back with words of self-encouragement and a good distraction. 

He’s different from Dan, when it comes to that. The things that bother him most seem silly at times, even to him. 

Things like his mum changing her hair color and not telling him, and him going home for Christmas to see her looking different than what he remembered, different than the image he had of her in his head. 

Or the postman who looked agitated with him one morning when Phil went to collect the package they ordered from the door, with no apparent or logical reason, making him dwell on the exchange between them for days. 

Or, apparently, things like him not wanting to try something in the bedroom his boyfriend suggested, even though it’s his absolute right not to want to just because, no explanation needed. 

He knows he’s not hiding his thoughts well. Knows by the way Dan was eyeing him from the moment they woke up that morning, from the way he’s eyeing him from the other end of the couch right now while they sit and watch TV. 

He’s not surprised when Dan takes the remote control and turns the volume down, looking at Phil’s face intently. 

“If you keep frowning like that you’ll get wrinkles,” Dan says, folding his arms on his chest. 

Phil knows it’s a fake reprimand. Knows its Dan’s way to show his concern for whatever’s going on in Phil’s mind without admitting his worries. 

“I already have wrinkles,” Phil says, and just to prove his point he scrunches his face to show them off, feeling a little proud of himself when his actions earn him a small amused smile from Dan. 

“Yeah well, you’ll have more if you won’t stop, old man.” 

Dan says it lightly, with a roll of the eyes, but it’s the little bit of leftover concern that shows in his furrowed brows that makes Phil say “I don’t want to have a threesome,” out of the blue, without really meaning to. He’s surprised with himself. He wasn’t planning on saying anything about that until he would figure everything out. He’s beating himself up the second the words leave his mouth, because he doesn’t have a way to explain them. Not yet. 

Dan looks confused for a moment, and then a little surprised and maybe a tiny bit disappointed, but Phil isn’t really sure because the next moment his face is warm and reassuring, like it always gets when he thinks Phil needs to hear it’s okay, nothing is wrong. 

“That’s fine,” Dan says, and he scoots a little closed to Phil so he could take his hand and plant a kiss on the back of it, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. “Don’t worry about it, it was just an idea.”

Phil’s expecting to feel relief. He’s expecting to feel his body deflate and his mind clear, but none of that happens. Because he knew Dan wouldn’t mind. That wasn’t really the problem. 

“I think… maybe I’m not confident enough for it? Like, maybe I don’t want to see you touch someone else? To see you give someone else that kind of attention? I think it makes me uncomfortable.” He’s not sure of his own words, and he can hear it in his tone, knows Dan can probably hear it too. 

His words are not lies, he knows they’re true. He really doesn’t feel good about the idea of Dan touching someone else. Of him wanting different hands on his body and different noises in his ear. But he also knows it’s not all it is, and he can’t really figure out what else feels wrong. 

Dan looks understanding and maybe even a little regretful, and he lifts Phil’s hand again to his lips, kisses every knuckle. “It wouldn’t be me giving someone else attention. It would be… us, sharing something new. I would never want anyone but you, not really.” 

Not really. 

Again, Dan’s words sit strangely with him, don’t make sense in his mind. What is ‘really’, then? He thinks.

“I’m not trying to persuade you!” Dan says quickly when he sees the look on Phil’s face, tugging on his hand to get him a little closer. “I’m just explaining what I meant. I really don’t care though, I would never want to do anything you’re not comfortable with.” 

And even though something still doesn’t feel right, still eating away at his mind and making him feel like he wants to draw his hand away from Dan’s grasp, he smiles, leaning forwards and kissing Dan on the lips, soft and lingering. Because Phil’s confusion doesn’t make sense even to him, and he really can’t expect it to make sense to Dan. 

_________________________________________

 

That night he dreams about it. At least, he thinks that’s what he dreams of. 

He’s not really there, or maybe he is, but he isn’t participating. 

Dan is there though, and with him there’s another person. A man. A faceless, shapeless man. 

Dan is touching him, like he touches Phil, and he’s making those deep, enthusiastic sounds like he does when Phil does something particularly right. 

The man is making sounds as well. They variate in volume and pitch, and sometimes he sounds exactly like Phil, to the point where he thinks it might actually be him there with Dan after all. 

It’s all a bit blurry and unclear, and when he wakes up with a gasp he finds himself on his stomach, hips moving against the mattress without his control. It’s still dark in the room and for a second he’s not sure where he is. He stills, feeling his heart beating wildly in his chest. He feels a little bit sick, a little bit confused, his uncomfortable arousal making him want to throw up. 

He turns around to his back then, looking at the ceiling, trying to calm himself down. 

“Someone had a good dream.” Dan’s voice comes out of nowhere, amused and teasing next to him, making Phil jump. 

“What?” 

Dan giggles, shuffling a little on the bed to be closer to Phil. “I said, you must had a good dream, you woke me up with your movements.” 

“Oh.” He doesn’t know why, but he feels a little angry, a little annoyed with Dan. “It wasn’t,” he says, still looking at the ceiling. It doesn’t feel like a good dream. Especially now, after he woke up. 

“Well, your little friend here seems to disagree with you,” Dan says, reaching down Phil’s body to squeeze his erection playfully. 

Phil’s body goes rigid immediately, and he’s taken by surprise by the way Dan’s touch at that moment makes his skin crawl. Makes him want to move away and get out of bed and maybe even cry a little by himself. 

Dan doesn’t seem to notice. His fingers are starting to move against Phil’s crotch teasingly, skimming over Phil’s cock through the fabric of his pants.

And Phil doesn’t like that, he doesn’t want that. He knows his movements are a little too aggressive, a little too sharp when he takes a hold of Dan’s fingers and shoves them away from himself. He can’t help it though. 

 

“Don’t,” Phil says, and there’s a warning to his tone he didn’t really put there on purpose, and Dan seems to flinch from it immediately. 

Dan is quiet for a second before saying, “I’m… sorry. I didn’t… sorry.” He looks confused and maybe a little bit scared by Phil’s sudden reaction, and Phil really needs to compose himself. 

“It’s okay, I’m sorry. I just don’t feel so good, I…. I don’t know, I’ll go drink a glass of water, maybe it will help.”

Dan says nothing in response to Phil and Phil doesn’t expect him to. His words don’t make any sense but he knows he needs to get out of bed, so he does. He gets up and walks out of the bedroom, feeling himself breathe in relief when he makes his way to the kitchen, away from Dan. 

Things still feel confused in his mind but he’s starting to understand what bothers him so much. Starting to understand why he can’t let Dan’s words and suggestion go, why he feels sick and confused and unsure when he thinks of it. 

He knows he’s being unfair to Dan. Dan hasn’t done anything wrong, hasn’t forced him to do anything he doesn’t want to do, hasn’t pushed when Phil said he felt uncomfortable with the idea. And still, Phil can feel his eyes sting, a pang of hurt in his chest, and he’s mad at himself for being mad at Dan.

He knows it’s probably the effect of the late hour and the weird dream he had. Knows that in the morning it’ll feel better, calmer. Things tend to feel more dramatic, more emotional when the world is dark and quiet and all he can hear is his own thoughts. 

He ends up drinking 3 glasses of water and sitting on the couch in the dark for half an hour before making his way back to the bedroom. 

He still feels weird and uneasy but things are starting to make more sense in his mind and he doesn’t really want to be away from Dan anymore. Or maybe he does, but he thinks he can handle it now and he doesn’t want Dan to think he has done anything wrong, because hasn’t. 

He isn’t surprised to find Dan awake when he opens the door, half sitting with his back against the headboard and looking at Phil while he makes his way to the bed. 

“Are you feeling better?” he asks once Phil settles on the bed next to him, his back to Dan. 

He knows Dan didn’t believe his excuse, knows Dan knows something else is up. But he doesn’t want to talk about it, not yet, and he’s grateful to Dan for letting him get away with it, even if just till the morning. 

“Yeah, I’m better.” Phil says, and he means it. 

Phil can hear Dan sliding down behind him, settling in a lying position. Dan’s quiet for a moment before saying, “Can I hug you?” with an unsure tone. 

Phil can feel his heart clench, and even though he still doesn’t really want physical contact he hates to hear Dan sound so confused and hurt, as if he’s done something wrong. So he shuffles backwards until his back hits Dan’s chest and he says a small, “yes,” encouraging Dan to wrap his arms around him. 

Dan lets out a breath in what Phil can only assume is relief but his arms are still hesitant, loose around Phil’s body and Phil feels the desire to cry takes over again. He reaches for Dan’s hands, pulling them closer to himself and pressing them to his lips, making Dan hug him tighter. 

Dan lets out another breath, but this time it’s shaky and followed by a kiss to Phil’s neck. “I love you,” Dan says quietly, right against Phil’s skin. 

“I love you too.” 

 

__________________________________________

 

In the morning, Phil has to wait for Dan to wake up. 

He feels anxious energy buzzing under his skin now that he decided what he wants to say to Dan, but at the same time he doesn’t want to rush, wants the time to drag and pass slowly, give him more time to think. 

But eventually, Dan does wake up, with a scrunch of his face and a stretch of his limbs, turning around to look at Phil. 

“Good morning, “ Dan says, and his voice sounds a little sleepy even if his eyes are looking too clear for someone who just woke up.

“Good morning,” Phil says, and he leans in to kiss Dan on the forehead, and then on his nose and lips. He wants to soothe him, to let him know it’s all okay between them, and Dan looks grateful for it, relieved, chases Phil’s lips when he draws away. 

“Can we talk?” Phil asks, and Dan looks alarmed again, and Phil hates that he made him feel uncertain in any way. He never wanted that. 

“Yeah, sure.” 

Phil looks down to the grey duvet, feeling silly and dramatic when he says, “It’s about the threesome thing.” 

Dan is quiet for a moment and Phil lifts up his eyes to watch his reaction. He doesn’t look surprised. Actually, he looks like he saw it coming. It doesn’t make Phil feel more relaxed like he thought it would. 

“Yeah, I kind of figured it was about that.” Dan’s voice is calm, but Phil thinks he hears a little exasperation under it. Or maybe it’s his own imagination, he’s not quite sure. 

“You did?” 

“I’m not an idiot Phil.” This time, Phil’s sure he doesn’t imagine it. 

“I know you’re not,” Phil says, and his voice is a little too small for his liking. 

Dan lets out a sigh, and his arms find their way to Phil’s sides. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just confused, you looked so… upset last night. I hate that I caused that with that stupid suggestion.” 

Phil feels guilty when he thinks about the way he pushed Dan away last night, feels guilty about making Dan feel guilty. “You didn’t cause it, not really,” he says, letting his own hands settle on Dan’s shoulders. 

“I did, I made you feel insecure. I didn’t think it would make you feel this way when I suggested it. It was just an idea.” 

Phil’s shaking his head when he hears Dan’s words. “You didn’t. I mean, maybe you did, but it’s different from what you’re assuming, I think. It’s… something else.” 

Dan looks confused when he says, “What do you mean?” 

When Dan asks him the question, Phil still feels a little unsure. He thinks he understands now, at least a little bit better than before, what made him so upset about the whole situation. But really, he thinks maybe he needs to say it out loud, to taste the words on his tongue before he feels confident in them. 

“Do you remember, when we started dating? I told you I never felt this way about anyone before?” Phil starts, and he already feels weird and like he wants to draw away and stop talking, but he knows he shouldn’t, knows he should say what’s on his mind. 

He takes pride in the way their relationship is built on trust, and he trusts Dan. He knows he does. He knows Dan wouldn’t think he’s silly for feeling a certain way, not really. He knows that he’ll always accept Phil’s thoughts, even if he doesn’t understand them. 

“Yeah, Phil, I remember. You know it was the same for me. It still is.” 

Phil feels a little squeeze of encouragement to his sides, telling him to keep talking. “I know it is, I don’t doubt it. But… maybe it’s different for me than it is for you.” 

The frown on Dan’s face deepens, and Phil wants to reach up and smooth his worries away with his fingers. “It’s not,” Dan says, and Phil tries not to be offended by that. 

“But that’s the thing, I think maybe it is.” He tries again, ignoring the little sound of protest coming out of Dan’s mouth. “When you said you wanted to have a threesome it made me feel… I don’t know how to describe it,” he trails off, trying to think of the right words, but Dan speaks again before he has the chance. 

“It doesn’t mean that I love you any less Phil. it doesn’t mean I would ever feel what I feel when I’m with you with anyone else. Doesn’t mean I got bored or… or… whatever it is you think is happening here. It was just an idea, a sexual fantasy. That’s all it was.” He sounds exasperated again, and Phil is still struggling to find a way to say what he thinks in a way that’ll make sense, to the both of them. 

“But that’s the thing, I don’t understand that kind of sexual fantasy?” his sentence comes out as more of a question than a statement, and he knows he’s not doing a good job at explaining himself. 

“And I told you, if you’re not into it, it’s okay. We will never do something one of us is uncomfortable with.” 

“No, I know. It’s not that. It’s that… I don’t understand it.” 

“What do you mean?” Dan looks confused again, and more than anything Phil wishes he could transport his thoughts into Dan’s mind without the need to speak. He knows he’s not the most articulate, especially when he’s nervous and wants to say the right thing. The more important it is to him, the less articulate he gets. 

“I mean… I can’t imagine wanting someone else to touch me, or wanting to touch someone else. The thought of someone who isn’t you seeing me naked or making noises or…or having any kind of sexual contact with me makes me sick.” 

There’s a moment of quiet before Dan lets out a small, “Oh,” but he doesn’t look like he quite understands what Phil means.

“When I say, I never felt like that before I met you, I really mean it. Like, sex was okay, but I never really liked it? I thought I did, I tried to tell myself I did. I thought maybe sex and romantic feelings were something glorified, something people said was amazing when in reality no one really felt anything strong or really good. I thought everyone was pretending a little, like I was.” 

Dan says nothing, but his grip on Phil’s sides tightens, his thumbs are drawing little patterns on his hips, so Phil takes a deep breath and continues. 

“But when I met you, I felt it. All the things I was supposed to, the things everyone always said they were feeling, the things I always thought were exaggerated. And I thought… I thought it was just the right time. I was always a late bloomer, I thought… I was young, and I was just ready for things I wasn’t ready for before.” 

He takes another deep breath, because this is the part that feels the strangest to him, the part he’s the least sure about. “But when you said you wanted to have a threesome… to have someone else in here with us, to touch them and to have them touch us, I couldn’t get it? Like, I know it’s something people do, but I can’t understand it? I mean, I know if I ever wanted someone who isn’t you to touch me, even as an innocent fantasy, you should be worried.” 

He’s not sure he phrased himself right. Not sure his words make sense and he repeats them again and again in his head to make sure, until he hears Dan’s tight voice speaks again. “I didn’t know that. Why haven’t you ever said something?” 

Phil thinks about it, and really, there’s only one answer that makes sense to him. “I wasn’t hiding it or anything, I just didn’t know myself. I’ve been with you for so many years, since we both were so young, I haven’t gotten the chance to ever think about it.”

Dan looks deep in thought for a moment and Phil can feel his heart beat fast in his chest. Truly, he knows nothing he said today really matters. He and Dan were together for years and his lack of attraction to other people doesn’t really change anything. But still, it feels strange, forbidden to say the words that he’s saying. Like he’s breaking some sort of rule he always lived by. 

“You know that for me… it’s not like that, right? When I suggested having someone in here with us, it wasn’t because of some kind of feelings or… or I don’t know. It was purely based on sex, just a physical reaction to something I find a turn on. Nothing else.” He says his words carefully, trying to anticipate Phil’s reaction. 

“I know that, I do. Logically. But I guess, because I never felt it like that before, I can’t fully understand it? Not really? I can logically accept it, but I can’t quite comprehend what it means?” 

Dan is still looking at him intently, like he’s trying to think of the right thing to say as well. And it makes Phil feel a little better, oddly enough, that they both are not sure what to say. 

“But you… you talk about other people as well? About people being hot? Or, attractive?” He doesn’t sound dismissive, or annoyed. He sounds like he’s trying to understand. And Phil’s okay with it. He can answer some questions. At least the ones he’s got an answer for. 

“I do find people attractive, objectively. I guess I never knew it wasn’t the way everyone else sees it too? Like, I’ll think someone is good looking, I can appreciate that, but I guess I won’t personally be attracted to them? I always just assumed, I guess, that that’s the way most people feel as well. that the only real attraction was to people you love.” 

Dan’s face looks a little bit pained and Phil can hear his thoughts running in full speed in his mind. Going through every conversation, every mutual experience. Phil doesn’t want him to do that, but he also knows that there’s no other way for Dan to process something. “You know I… really love you, right?” he says eventually, squeezing Phil’s sides once more. “Like, I don’t want anyone else, not really.” 

And there’s that ‘really’ again that made Phil feel a pit in the bottom of his stomach just the night before. Because for him, there is only one way to want anyone, and it always is real. But now, he can accept it better. It still makes him feel a little strange, still makes him want to question things, but for now, that’s good enough. 

“I know you do, I love you too.” 

Dan pulls him closer then, one hand leaves his side to cup his cheek, rub his thumb under his tired eye before leaning in to kiss him on the lips, soft and lingering. And Phil sighs into it, melts under Dan’s touch. He’s not feeling his skin crawl anymore under Dan’s fingers, doesn’t feel the need to get away from him. He feels good, now that he said what he had to say. Now that he’s not alone with his worries anymore. 

But just before Phil is about to deepen the kiss, Dan pulls away, a concern look in his eyes that makes Phil’s stomach drop. “You… do you feel sexually attracted to me? Like, do you ever… do things because you think you should, even if you don’t really want to?” 

Phil blinks at him with surprise, and he has to stop himself from letting out a nervous laugh. He knows Dan wouldn’t appreciate him laughing at that, but the thought of him not being attracted to Dan feels ridiculous to him, impossible. 

He lets his fingers travel to the back of Dan’s head, scratching a little at his scalp. “I’m so incredibly attracted to you Dan, you have no idea. Nothing with you ever felt wrong, or like something I didn’t really want. Everything with you was always right.” 

He feels satisfaction in the way pink color spreads from Dan’s cheeks his ears, and Phil moves his fingers to rub Dan’s earlobes so he could feel their warmth, before leaning in and kissing Dan again, this time not letting Dan pull away from him. 

(Although, Dan doesn’t seem to mind all that much).

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it guys!! i was thinking about this topic a lot lately and i thought i would share my thoughts in a fic form :) 
> 
> please tell me if you liked it!! your comments mean everything! <3 and come follow me on tumblr- phantasticlizzy :)


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